Grateful.

I know I'm in for a rollercoaster ride. I know there's going to be a lot of ups and downs before I eventually start feeling normal again. At this point, I can't really say there are good days yet. There's good moments, but still mostly a lot of just feeling crappy, mixed with some dips lower.

Yesterday was a tougher day. I was focusing a lot on the 'what-ifs'. I was searching for a reason why this happened, if there was anything I could have done differently to prevent it. When I think about different scenarios that could have been, I momentarily forget that Brooklyn's gone, that there's nothing I can do to change it now. That's when my heart drops and I feel like I'm back at square one.

I was texting a friend yesterday and told her about how wonderful this community has been to us. She told me she's really glad that I ended up with Sterling and in this little town. I really am so grateful to be where I'm at in life. If I just had to go through this, I'm so glad that Sterling is the one I'm going through it with. And I couldn't imagine living anywhere else. The people in this town have been beyond amazing.

We've had countless meals and treats brought to us, our freezer is stocked. Cards and money have been flowing in. A woman who has been in our same situation knit Brooklyn a sweet little white dress to be buried in at the drop of a hat. So many people have shown their love and support, I can't even believe it. I went to pay for everything from Brooklyn's funeral yesterday. The funeral home isn't charging us a thing, and our three plots at the cemetery, the digging and burial fees, and the tent rental have all been paid for by wonderful people. Everyone has been taking such good care of us, and I know these kinds of things don't happen just anywhere. We are so so blessed to have such great people surrounding us.